I had to take a break and walk around a bit today to figure out how to write about this latest tragedy. I am sure everyone has heard or read about the murders committed by George Sodini at the Pennsylvania fitness club earlier this week.
When I saw the news footage on it I took it for another Man vs. Ex showdown then I read the news articles today.
This is simply horrific.
If I were to make this man out to be the victim I would be no better than the anti-male biased feminist that have created the breeding ground for men pushed to the edge that we find ourselves in today. At least no better than them in that I would be presenting the criminal solely as a victim to rationalize his actions. I will not do that.
In reading the parts of Mr. Sodini's blog that have been published (the site has been taken down) I see a man who has suffered from being marginalized, walked over, pushed aside and under rated for years. I have seen many of his postings mirrored on other sites this Summer.
Dec. 29, 2008: "Just got back from tanning, been doing this for a while. No gym today, my elbow is sore again. I actually look good. I dress good, am clean-shaven, bathe, touch of cologne - yet 30 million women rejected me - over an 18 or 25-year period. That is how I see it. ... A man needs a woman for confidence. ... This type of life I see is a closed world with me specifically and totally excluded."
Life is just playing games. ... Every evening I am alone, and then go to bed alone."
May 18, 2009: "I actually had a date today. It was with a woman I met on the bus in March. We got together at Two PPG Place for lunch. The last date for me was May 1, 2008. Women just don't like me. There are 30 million desirable women in the US (my estimate) and I cannot find one
May 29, 2009: "Another lonely Friday night, I'm done. This is too much."
How many times have I seen men write about how women ignore them, or how they have not had a relationship, sometimes they say they have never had a relationship.
This man had a good job with a law firm as an IT person, was in good shape it looks like. Yet as so many men experience these days he was just too boring or too ordinary or dare I say it perhaps too Beta to compete in today's world.
As the media turn this man into the monster he certainly turned into I hope each of us will ask ourselves why so many men in the course of this one Summer have turned to violence and finally suicide as a way to express their emotions.
I can think of six murder/suicides this Summer alone just off the top of my head. All of them multiple murders all of them ending with the man shooting himself. All of them directed at a woman or women.
I am sure the feminist will use these cases to cry out for more special protection, more money, more privilege, more reason to ban guns.
All will ignore the fact that each of these men killed themselves, only a man at the very end of his rope with no other way to express himself over come with feelings of uselessness and marginalization with no way out that he can see will turn his own weapon on himself.
I wish these men, all of them, from the jilted husband in Washington, the down on his luck man from South Carolina, the prominent professor from Georgia, the Santa suite guy from California, and now this guy and the others I don't remember had come to sites such as this one or others. They could have seen they are not alone. If I could have helped them or stopped them I would have.... Any of us would have.
I pray that enough people will begin asking themselves what drives these men to these terrible actions. I hope enough will see that these men cannot be written off as loons in the same mold as serial killers or axe murders.
These men stood at a crossroads that many of us on these blog sites have stood on as well. I wish they had chosen the fork we have all taken and tried to make some changes without falling to violence.
I am almost exactly similar to that guy. My last serious date was nine years ago.
ReplyDeleteMy perspective is: I had wanted to marry and have kids. I failed to achieve that goal while my body was young enough to make healthy sperm. I had my shot, I don't get another, I'm done.
The society that kept me chasing money and brainwashed potential wives has no moral claim on me. The women of that society might live and they might die, but either way, they're not my responsibility. The children of that society are not my children.
I have left America. I have restricted my diet. I have started to practice a rather formal meditation. I may not become a monk, but I hope I'll learn to let go of my many unpleasant emotions connected with American society.
There is an obvious alternative to violence: ascetic self-denial.
I do not presently understand the nature of karma. I suspect the killer got some bad karma out of the killing. I would prefer to discard my old karma.
I hear you my friend.
ReplyDeleteI think for me the turning point was when I got custody of my son. From that point on my life improved and I once again had a reason to better myself. I no longer could shut myself away or afford to blame the women around me who had caused me so much pain.
Ok blame isn't the right word, they are still blamed. Not for when I turned right and should have went left no. But for all the times I was held to be guilty before even a trial, for all the little lies and such they are certainly to blame.For the constant double standards yes I blame women in general, but not individual women thankfully.
Yet as I said I had an anchor and this latest man had nothing.
For the first time in my life I can see through the eyes of a monster and almost understand what he feels and thats very scary.
And the fact that these attacks seem to be a growing trend and yet the media nor the government will even try to understand why....
ReplyDeleteHas me horrified.
I've gotten in trouble for being too friendly though. I try to be nice to everyone, but I have had some really lonely men start pursuing me and I confess that I wasn't as interested as they imagined. It made me feel awful to turn them down. I didn't know what to do! They weren't what I was looking for and I wasn't attracted. Then a bunch of these men in this social group began spreading rumors about me turning them on to turn them down. I didn't know how to handle these guys coming after me or that the dates with them became uncomfortable even when I tried to steer them in the right direction. I've been rejected and abused, too.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, we all feel terrible and sad and lonely. I was walking my way back to my car and starting crying because I like some big, sweet nerdy guy who moved to Seattle and I just wish there was a chance.
I've done some really stupid things because I felt like no one in the world cared, gone out with people that I shouldn't and then tried to wise up from it. I felt so bad for this guy.
Yes Savvy I see your point and you are right. But typically women have enough men interested in them to realize that if they are alone it is because they are picky. Even if you spend a year without a date you know you have turned men down.
ReplyDeleteWith men if they are ignored or constantly rejected then thats it they are constantly rejected. Eventually it leads them to think they are just unworthy and sub-human. Like this guy apparently thought.
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ReplyDeleteI can see the man's pain. I haven't dated in four years; and before that it was seventeen. Four years ago was my last shot before I simply aged out of the running. I endured the long stretch because I thought that I would find a fellow Christian: when I finally did, it was our psycho-babbling pastor and her "Christian" friends who convinced her it was to soon after getting a divorce: there was no talk of grace. With that I left the church and vowed to God that unless I was married I would never attend any church again; and, at my age that is not likely.
ReplyDeleteI was with you Njartist. I felt the same as you and then I did meet a wonderful woman. She even agrees with my anti-feminism and is just flabbergasted by the double standards herself.
ReplyDeleteBut I know where you are coming from I had almost those same thoughts myself once.
Sodini's problem was not just a lack of respect, it was a lack of usefulness.
ReplyDeleteI thank God that I found a use for myself in a new country.
I was born in America, I wanted to marry an American woman and raise American kids.
America had no use for me, and I was pretty close to Sodini, but younger.
Then I went to Asia and even if people don't love me and cherish me, they see me as genuinely *useful*. I can speak a marketable language or two. That's worth enough to earn a humble amount of daily bread. I don't get people bowing down to me, but I am connected to a social network that makes me feel that at least Asians regard as a human with some kind of basic dignity. That's more than Sodini had.
I think Sodini was too loyal to a dysfunctional society. American society demands one-way loyalty from its men. I was willing to say, "See ya, I can get a better deal elsewhere!" That makes me selfish ... but I'm still alive and I haven't killed anybody.
Sweet.
ReplyDeleteI came very close to moving to Asia..ok well China myself. I have a very good friend who I have known for years who is a Chinese national.
When we talk she asks me all kinds of questions about how American women act and for years was in complete disbelief until she came over here for a visit.
She still tells me she is in shock and its been almost 6 years since she came over.
There have been long stretches in my life when I was not asked out by absolutely anyone. Sometimes I felt like no one looked at me as a woman. I don't go to bars or anything like that.
ReplyDeleteI think there are other alternatives beyond killing people--men or women. If he had that much anger boiling, I doubt he could have been completely pleasant. I've noticed that some of the bachelor blogs have had to shut down because the owners were afraid that if someone did something that they might be held accountable. This concerns me. There are innocent children and men who are now missing a wife, mother, sister or aunt because of his actions.
We have so much hatred for each other. The sexes have always misunderstood each other but there is a simmering hatred now.
I can't help but wonder if this poor guy had any kind of social structure--friends, church, anything???
I found another blog about this guy at
ReplyDeletehttp://www.henrymakow.com
So someone else (with much more exposure than I can give) has also taken up the topic.
And Savvy I know as you said you have went for long stretches and it is close I am sure but when a man goes for long stretches he is usually also dealing with alot of rejection along with that stretch.
I know women feel a rejection as well but men are the ones who have to face the rejection up front and personal even today.
SavvyD said...
ReplyDeleteThere have been long stretches in my life when I was not asked out by absolutely anyone. Sometimes I felt like no one looked at me as a woman.
I've gotten in trouble for being too friendly though. I try to be nice to everyone, but I have had some really lonely men start pursuing me and I confess that I wasn't as interested as they imagined. It made me feel awful to turn them down. I didn't know what to do! They weren't what I was looking for and I wasn't attracted.
So, when a man does "see you as a woman" but you don't "see him as a(n attractive) man" it isn't any better. Sounds like you are losing out both ways.
As Beltain said, the mating dance is so fundamentally asymmetrical that there really is no comparison between the two sides. It is entirely possible that this guy "looked at lots of women as women", stuck his neck out and started pursuing them, only to discover that the women "weren't as interested as the men imagined." The experience of doing nothing but waiting to be approached and being ignored is qualitatively different from making the approach and being shut down for it.
I think your choice of language in your statements could have been better. "Looking at you as a woman" does not automatically imply knee-jerk reflexive courtship behavior. "Woman" does not automatically equate to "potential mate" for every man. You are not necessarily entitled to attention from men, or having them pander to you, any more than this guy was entitled to be successful with the women he did approach.
The mating game is a jungle out there, and unfortunately the "animals" seem to be faring better than many others.
One time I got a guy an ice pack because he sprained his ankle. I want to be able to continue being kind in those kinds of ways, but when a man becomes interested in you after a small act of kindness, it becomes difficult to be kind. Don't worry, this man did have an offer from a girl who really liked him, but he didn't like her. Oh, what fools we mortals be!
ReplyDeleteLet's face it, this particular man had some serious social problems--he didn't have male friends either. When a guy is socially disadvantaged and we no longer have the kind of society that values people or helps love along, it makes for bitterness. Think about it, to get to know a girl, you would have to get to know the family and they could help things along. Even that required being social.
Zed--Who said anything about entitlement or having men pander to me? Not me. I've given guys chances that other women would overlook.
PS I try to encourage a man along because I know this has been the case. I smile. I've even been known to say that I wouldn't mind getting to know a guy better. It might be awhile before I try that again.
ReplyDeleteI've given guys chances that other women would overlook.
ReplyDeleteHow very magnanimous of you. Of course, if a woman would like to get married some day it is a necessary evil to "give guys chances", isn't it? Unless you intend to be the one doing the asking, that is.